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t Discoverblacklove a Szh , True Norwegian Black Metal, had been unleashed upon the earth. Many Christians were necrobutchered by black metal maniacs during this time. Most also just ended up dead, opening their veins before putting a shotgun barrel in their mouth.
Their music brought forth other forces of evil into the world. Ihsahn, the Black Wizards, became the Emperor of the lands of the Welkin and the majesty of the night sky in the nightside eclipse, and the King of the Shadowthrone, Nemesis Divina, ruled the Dominions of Satyricon, carrying a flag of dominion and hate. Nocturnal cultos established dark thrones in Transylvania under a funeral moon causing a blaze in the Northern sky, and the immortal Ravendark, who was damned in black from the beginning, formed a new nation of Blashyrk, near the heart of winter establishing pure holocaust. Enslaved Norsemen, who had been living life under the hammer, having melted their frost bondage shackles, were set free to once again return to Yggdrasil. Parents everywhere were terrified. Somewhere, in the infinity of thoughts, pagan fears were realized, causing many sheep to hate them, but it was far too late. The essence of time had shattered, causing a permanant release of red clouds and holocaust winds.
During this period, the mountains of Norway were terrorized by Fenriz wolves, fire-breathing Abbaths, Satyrs, Nattefrosts, and something called a Gaahl which is thought to be similar to a Grinch, i.e. reclusive homosexual in strange makeup. All mythological creatures in Norway play black metal. The ones who don't were banished to Narnia, land of Christian allegorical faggotry.
Dead, an otherworldly incarnation of depression, appeared to the members of Mayhem one day out of a thick veil of funeral fog. His voice was more painful than anything their ears had ever heard. He was soon made lead vocalist. He became famous for keeping dead animals in plastic bags, burying his clothes and refusing to eat. Realizing that fame and fortune as Mayhem's vocalist would mean he could never get depressed again, he decided to end it all. One day he took a shotgun and blew his own brains out, shocking absolutely nobody. However, the fact that the rest of the band took pictures and made necklaces out of pieces of his skull did. There was a rumor that they ate his brains as well, but to this they responded, "What are we, crazy?" Mayhem's notoriety grew from this point, but as they would find out, success is a double-edged bloodsword.
The force of Mayhem would from then on be beset by adversity. The more famous they became, the more they hated themselves for being famous. This led to discord between the wolfen brethren. After devouring many of their own members over the years, and turning others into posercorpses, only their leader, Euronymous as he called himself, remained. (Anonymous was already taken.) He recruited pyro-demon Kristian 'Varg' Vikernes, Count of Grishnack and Wanderer of the Evil Shores, to play bass. The Hellhammer itself played the drums, and a local warlord named Attila took over vocals.
They took their unholy crusade to the Nidaros Cathedral, home of the Norwegian Illuminati, and storming the walls took possession of the ancient necronomical scriptures, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas. Blessed with these revelations, Mayhem and their followers made a pact with Satan, to make a grand declaration of war against the Christian church. Led by Varg's love of burning things, they set ablaze many of Norway's oldest churches, and ate grim and flameroasted marshmallows.
The final step in their crusade was to open the gates of Helvete and unleash the Apocalypse upon the Earth. Using the malevolent tome, Varg sought the key to the gate. Euronymous however, became convinced Varg was mad and wanted to keep Helvete closed. An epic battle ensued, and Varg slew Euronymous by stabbing him 23 times, because 23 was a sacred number to his Lord and Master. With his dying breath, Euronymous used an unholy spell on Varg, casting him into the dungeons of hell. Varg swore to one day escape and finish what he started. In 2009, he was released by the parole board of Hades, and some followers of the Black see this as one of the Final Signs of the Coming Hellfire. But most know that he's just bat fuck insane.
The feature film of these events is coming out this year. Varg is boycotting it on advice from his parole officer and the troll living inside his brain. Jackson Rathbone is set to portray him, and is currently working on training his stabbing arm.
Eventually most of the second-wavers ended up in jail, faded into obscurity or were labeled posers due to having half-decent production. Mayhem are still around after some of their members were brought back by necromancy, and they still wield the Hellhammer. They have even let many other groups use the Hellhammer, increasing the overall power of the Black Metal cause.
More recently, a new development awakened in black metal. Several new faces in black metal appeared with the intent of making black metal part of the earths atmosphere and thus call it atmospheric. They are mostly inspired by Varg for inspiration. New faces include Scott Conner, the Malefic Xasthur; Jeff Whitehead, the Wrest-ling Leviathan (now famous for sexually assaulting his girlfriend with his tattoo tools); Aaron and Nathan Weaver, who wish to let Wolves into the Throne Room; Willy Rousel, the Remains of a Ruined, Dead, and Cursed, Soul of Mütiilation; and Kanwulf, from the Germanic lands of Nargaroth.
Black Metal was spewn from the spiritual black dimension of infernal wrath and terror within the yawning abyss of madness under the black mark of hell beneath the burning helmet of Arthur Brown himself at about the same time that Odin was hanging upside down from Yggdrasil and being fucking badass. The wisdom he gained by doing this allowed him to see the emerging BM genre for its grim and necro glory, and he joined B.A.T.H.O.R.Y after Richard of Wagner died in a tragic firebreathing accident. The result of his joining was an album so good, it brought forth a Ragnarok of blood, fire and death. Odin died as was his fate, but Quorthon was not deterred. Inspired by his sacrifice, he changed his name to Hammerheart and rode to Asa Bay, and in the name of Odin killed all the Christian sunsabitches he could find. He quickly gained a huge cult following, which was dubbed the Cult of Asatru, or 'tru kvlt' for short. And so Black Metal was forevermore associated with the brave and mighty Norsemen.
Since then, black metal has received a bad reputation because many of the bands in the genre support replacing traditional Judeo-Christian culture with Norse Paganism. One reason for this is that in Norse mythology the people of Earth were separated from the Gods by a rainbow bridge not unlike the one used by the Care Bears. While this may seem like a strange connection, many Black Metal artists ended up with severe mental disorders because, as children, they were not able to receive Care Bear Dolls the Christmas season they were the hot toy. It is a logical conclusion that they would reject the Christian tradition of Christmas and prefer to bring back the Norse Paganism that connects them to their loveable Care Bears.
Nazi Black Metal was started by a German tank crew called the Panzer Division Marduk in 1939. At that time there was no music that adequately gave them erections whilst killing Jews, so they decided to write some of their own. Commander Rob Darken and his crew recorded their debut album, Aryan Jewblood Holocaust, in a graveland next to a concentration camp zForum Discoverblacklove Q Discover Black Love Szh Investigation History Alcatraz Slideshow Slideshow Discover Black Love Black Metal - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopediai k Ww.kk44kk.net Dating rForum Discoverblacklove Q Discover Black Love Szh Investigation History Alcatraz Slideshow Slideshow Discover Black Love Black Metal - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopediaw Singles